Remote and app-controlled toys have quietly become the most practical category for couples, whether you share a bed or a time zone gap. They turn a toy into something a partner participates in rather than just watches, and for long-distance relationships they can be the difference between feeling connected and feeling out of reach. This guide explains how the technology actually works, what to look for in a body-safe device, how to choose based on the distance between you, and how to keep everything clean between sessions — without falling for marketing noise.

How Remote and App Control Works

There are two broad control methods, and the difference between them decides which toy is right for you.

• Local remote — a physical remote or a short-range Bluetooth link between phone and toy. Ideal for in-room play where both partners are present. It is simple, reliable, and has no internet dependency, but its range is limited to roughly the same room.
• App over the internet — the toy pairs to a phone by Bluetooth, and the companion app then relays control over the internet so a partner anywhere can drive the device. This is what makes genuine long-distance play possible.

Understanding this split is the whole game. A toy can be brilliant for couples in the same bed and frustrating across continents, or vice versa, depending entirely on which control path it is built around.

Local remote vs app-over-internet

Think of it as a two-stage chain. The first link — phone to toy — is always Bluetooth and always short-range. The second link — phone to partner's phone — is where the internet comes in. For same-room play you only need the first link. For long distance, both links have to hold up, and the internet stage is where reliability is won or lost. A dropped connection simply pauses control; it does not damage the device, and play resumes once the link re-establishes.

Long-Distance Pairing Reliability

Long-distance control depends on the app maintaining a stable link between two phones. A few practical realities are worth knowing before you rely on it for an anniversary call:

• Both partners need a stable connection. A strong Wi-Fi or mobile signal on each end matters far more than the toy's motor.
• The receiving partner's phone must stay connected with the app open or active in the background; a backgrounded app that the operating system kills will drop control.
• Expect occasional latency. Control passes across the internet, so there can be a small delay between a partner's input and the toy responding. This is normal and not a fault.
• Pair and test before you need it. Run a quick test session before relying on the setup for a planned long-distance call.

We-Vibe is particularly well known for app-controlled couples toys, with an ecosystem built around shared control and long-distance pairing. LELO also offers app connectivity alongside its design-led hardware. The reliability of the experience comes mostly from your connections and the app, not the price of the toy.

Materials and Body Safety

This is the part that genuinely matters most, and it is independent of any smart feature. Prioritise body-safe silicone, which is non-porous and easy to sanitise. Non-porous surfaces do not trap fluids or bacteria the way porous materials can, which makes cleaning far more effective and the device far safer to share or use repeatedly.

• Choose silicone, stainless steel, or body-safe ABS plastic for any part that contacts the body.
• Avoid porous, unlabelled, or strongly chemical-smelling materials, even if the smart features look impressive.
• The electronics inside do not change these rules — a high-tech motor wrapped in a porous shell is still a porous toy.

Lube compatibility

Lube choice interacts with the toy's material, so get this right:

• Pair any silicone toy with water-based lube. It is sex-toy safe, will not degrade the surface, and rinses off easily.
• Avoid silicone lube on silicone toys. It can cause the material to break down and become tacky over time.
• Glass and stainless steel tolerate all lube types, but water-based remains the simplest default for couples juggling several devices.

Premium Options Worth Knowing

Both LELO and We-Vibe sit at the premium end and are known for build quality and refined app experiences. LELO leans toward design-led hardware with notably quieter motors — a real advantage if discretion matters. We-Vibe focuses heavily on couples-oriented, app-synced play and long-distance features. For broader, more budget-flexible choice, a large retailer like Lovehoney carries many remote and app-controlled options across price points, including its own-label range, so you can match a device to your budget without sacrificing body-safe materials.

Choosing by Distance and Use

Match the toy to how you actually live, not to the longest feature list:

• Same room? A simple physical remote or short-range Bluetooth app is plenty. You do not need internet control, and a local remote is often more reliable for in-person play.
• Long distance? Prioritise proven app-over-internet control, clear pairing instructions, and a brand with a stable, well-supported app. The hardware matters less than the software here.
• Shared, in-person sessions? Look for devices designed specifically for couples — wearable or hands-free shapes synced to one app — rather than a solo toy with a remote bolted on.
• Mixed? Some couples are sometimes together and sometimes apart. A toy with both a local mode and reliable app control covers both situations.

For a wider look at couple-focused devices beyond remote control, our best sex toys for couples 2026 guide compares categories side by side, and if your relationship is primarily long-distance, the same principles in this guide apply with the app stage doing the heavy lifting.

Hygiene Between Sessions

Shared and frequently used toys need a consistent routine. Clean before and after every use, dry fully, and store devices separately so surfaces do not react.

• Use mild, unscented soap and warm water on non-porous surfaces.
• Wipe around charging ports, buttons, and seams rather than submerging, unless the manufacturer confirms the device is fully waterproof — many app-controlled toys are only splash-resistant because of their electronics.
• Let each device air-dry completely, then store it in its own pouch away from other toys.

For a complete routine, see our how to clean and store sex toys safely guide.

Common Mistakes Couples Make

• Assuming any remote toy works long distance. A local Bluetooth-only toy will not reach across the internet. Confirm it has app-over-internet control.
• Not testing the setup in advance, then troubleshooting connections mid-call.
• Submerging a non-waterproof electronic toy and damaging the motor.
• Using silicone lube on a silicone device and degrading the surface.
• Blaming the toy for lag that is really a weak connection on one end.

Who Should Skip This

If you only ever play in the same room and prefer the simplest possible setup, you may not need app connectivity at all — a basic remote vibrator avoids the pairing and battery overhead entirely. If neither partner has a reliable internet connection, long-distance app control will frustrate more than it delights, and you would be better served by a simpler local device until that changes. And if a partner is uncomfortable with a phone app being part of intimacy, a non-app remote is the more comfortable choice.

The Bottom Line

The best remote toy is the one whose control method matches your distance and whose material you can clean confidently. Start with body-safe silicone, water-based lube, and an app you both find easy to pair. We explain how we assess these products on our how we review page, and because exact specs, app features, and prices change often, always confirm the current details on the retailer's own listing before you buy. For honest expectations on what these products do and do not deliver, the sexual wellness products that work overview is worth reading first.